GEORGIA… Savannah… Hunter Army & Air Force Base, Guest Lodging Facility

“ Well… if you leave the door open they’ll soon leave.”

“Now Harriet, why would I…”

Enough introduction to an unforgettable night in Georgia … and not like the song.

The only room at the inn was a shared kitchenette and shared toilet/bathroom accommodation.

One entered the kitchenette area between the adjoining rooms, where the entrance to the bathroom was also located, and locked the other apartment’s door while using the facilities … when through, you unlock their door, close yours and lock it to keep strangers out… RIGHT!

While adjusting my pillow, to better watch the news on TV, I was interrupted by a BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM…

“EEEEEEEAAAAAYYYYYEAHHHHHH…”… and what to my wondering eyes should appear but Susan running from the corner lavatory towards the bed…

“OH MY GOD… OH GOD…JOHN… JOHN… GET HIM.”

Hey I’m not insensitive but she scared the daylights out of me. Being shot at in combat has a more comprehensive approach than dealing with a screaming woman  about something I’m completely in the dark about (remember she just scared the daylights out of me).

“IT’S OVER THERE… IN THE CORNER.”… “GOD, I FORGOT HOW BIG THEY ARE…”… now my curiosity has time to muster enough brain cells to look in the corner by the lavatory… yep those Georgia Palmetto Bugs (HUGE ROACHES!!!) do grow big down here… so big in fact this one appeared to have been banded… honest.

He had a marking on his back that looked like someone used a spray can of white paint… couldn’t read the number… he must have shook of the tranquilizer dart and started moving before they could complete their assignment.

Well, by the time I reacted (knowing full well I didn’t have a clue to what the hell I was doing) and rushed between the HUGE ROACH and Susan.

He scurried up the wall – turned downward – launched his copper gleaming body through the air and HIT THE FLOOR RUNNING… TOWARDS MEEEEE!

My reaction time was considerably slowed when I realized that the foot I selected to stomp on him was without benefit of sole… yep… that sucker was bare… nada shoe… nada sock.

He made it to the clothes closet, sans clothes, without my foot coming within 12 inches of his body…  We searched the immediate area but couldn’t locate him… Called for backup bug spray but none was available at the front desk.

Decided to take my shower.

Good thing too. Through the cascading water I heard several sounds of a heavy object hitting the wall… then “EEECCCCHHHH!!!”,

Ever have one of those nights when your body is physically clean but your mind shudders at the unpleasantness of your surroundings.

Susan had vanquished the intruder, but we had not conquered the fear of more hidden in the dark recesses of the room and our minds… quite a fitful night.

On checking out, Harriet, being apprised of the situation remarked that the BIG’UNS live in the Palmetto trees outside the building and if you leave the door to your room open they’ll leave if frightened.

Folks… If you ever travel to Georgia… bring hip boots. First to kill the BIG ‘UNS… and Secondly to wade through the mythical BS. .. because I know HE was going to chase me out the door… and damn sure would have if Susan hadn’t been there.